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HANDLING
SIBLING RIVALRY I
My
sister was on phone talking to me when suddenly I heard some
commotion in the background. Her four year old and two year old
daughters were at war again. I call it a war because the
ferocity with which they fight over seemingly trivial matters.
My sister resorted to shouting to stop the ugly scenes before
her eyes. This not only her but almost every parent's typical
response to constant sibling skirmishes. Very few of us as
parents realize that each fight needs to be handled separately
and differently, you can't use the one- size- fits- all
approach. The key factor in resolving such conflicts is finding
and knowing why they are battling at that particular moment. The
most common war triggers include the: territory fight, the
jealousy binge, the delight of brawl and the boredom trouble.
First of all lets take The Fight Over a Territory
which could be anything from who will sleep with mummy or
who will use the bathroom first or who will occupy the window
seat in the car. What happens actually at this age is that a
child is learning to assert herself and make claims. The
intensity depends on the competitiveness of the sibling
relationship. Experts suggest that parents would do well if they
work out some appropriate system of choices or options. For
example, kids can occupy the car window seat by turns or they
can be given a choice either to use the bathroom first or sit at
window seat. Another option could be to remove the object of
desire if children refuse to be fair. Be strict if you want to
adopt correct parenting practices.
The Boredom
Binge brings forth the boredom one of the kids must be
facing, for example you are helping your four year old with her
school work and your two year old is finding it hard to
structure her time. She is getting bored and has started causing
all kind of disturbances to vent her feelings of restlessness
and draw attention. You are in a fix over how to deal with it .
You may ask the younger one to leave the room and let you help
the elder one with study or you may just shout at her and ask
her to stop it or some of us may resort to even beating the
child for constantly disturbing. But the solution does not lie
in any of these as the child is unable to engage herself in any
meaningful activity. Instead of resorting to these options you
would do more good to your child and to yourself ,too, if you
can arrange to occupy her in something interesting. Take a note
of such incidents and take pre-emptive actions.
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HANDLING
SIBLING RIVALRY II
The
Jealousy Binge takes shape when parents shower more
attention on one of the sibling. It may so happen that one of
the child is ill or disturbed in some way and needs greater
attention than others but the kids will not understand this and
may resort to name calling and teasing behavior towards the
child being pampered. You as a parent may find it difficult to
handle. Here you need to be a little strict with the child
misbehaving First of all make it clear to the child that such
behavior is hurtful and intolerable. Try out your usual
punishment methods to achieve this end. Later on in saner
moments you can talk with the child why certain occasions demand
more attention towards one child. Also praise the child for any
other behavior which truly needs to be praised.
Sometime
the kids Fight for the Delight they derive from these
squabbles. Reema was talking to Neha when her 6 year old son
started teasing his little sister. Infuriated the little one
reacted with calling him stupid, he retorted by calling her
idiot and it went on till it became intolerable for their mother
who punished them with 15 minutes of silence. Perhaps what Reema
did was a correct action as kids needed to be conveyed that such
behavior is unacceptable.
Alternatively you can try
to distract, children from such brawls of delight, by involving
them in some interesting conversation. When these tactics fail
to elicit a response, you can resort to what Reema did with her
kids or something which works at your home.
Besides
using these strategies when the sibling confrontations are
taking place, you can also undertake certain steps that will
ensure more peaceful atmosphere at your home.
Reinforce their desirable behavior by rewarding and appreciating
when they get along well.
Build bonds among children by working out special things to do
together for them, for example, helping prepare for a special
occasion for the family.
Find
what they love about each other and convey to them how fortunate
they are to have a sibling.
Provide healthy role model- if you yell, argue or call people
names, children will pick up these behavior patterns.
Never compare your kids, cherish each for what she/ he is.
Help them resolve the conflicts themselves. When you intervene,
just clarify each child's point of view and allow them to sort
it out on their own.
Check your tendencies to assign roles unconsciously. By asking
Saurabh, "Why do you always have to tease your sister?"
you might well be encouraging him to think of himself as someone
who always pushes others around.
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ADMISSION
TIME
Schools
are brimming with activity these days. The humming with anxious
murmurs of apprehensive parents waiting for their turn at the
interview board. Yes! You guessed it right it is admissions time
at school. Every parent has spend nightmarish days waiting for
this day. Getting your child admitted to a good school has
become a Herculean task for parents. Application forms of
several schools are filled to have options as also to secure
admission for the child at least is one of the school.
At
one end we have parents facing a tall order of choosing the
correct school for their ward. On the other end there are school
authorities who are at their wit's end to formulate selection
criteria. Most parents zero-in on certain 'crucial' factors in a
school before taking a decision. Among the features searched for
in a school are brand name, all round development are rues,
performance in terms of results, cost and location.
For
some reputation is more important, for other it is the cost and
distance from home, for other the quality of education imparted
while there are still others who look for all round development.
Some are lucky to get their child admitted to the desired school
while others are not.
Months in advance parents start
preparations not only in inculcating the correct mannerism in
the child but also update themselves with right answer to prop
able questions asked at an interview. Admission form are getting
complicated with weird questions and conditions. Some school
don't let the parents take away the form - you have to fill the
form there and then in your own handwriting.
These
times are no less testing for the schools as they find it
difficult to chalk out a selection criteria. Aware that it is
difficult to judge a child in ten minutes, aware that a child
may not give a reply even if he/she know the answer. Schools
appear to practice an elimination rather than selection process.
Many school select students on the basis of draw of lots while
some follow the neighborhood concept.
Whatever it is
the entrance test is a trying for parents.
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POWER
STRUGGLE
A
child in Power- Struggle! You may find it unbelievable in the
context of parenting. But yes contrary to what most of us think-
the children do try to control the world around them in a number
of ways. We as parents fail to see what lies beneath a
particular behavioral response. A little effort will unveil to
you your child's attempts at autonomy which start as early as 2
years age and might continue well into the teens. Parents can
turn these testing and trying times into a rewarding growth
period for them and their children by shifting their perspective
concerning the child's behavior and by becoming clever and
creative in responding to the child's perceived "headstrong,
rebellious, stubborn, frustrating, negative" behavior.
Empower
The Child Rather Overpower
When parents try to
control the child's rebellious or obstinate behavior by
overpowering the child, the child might react by either flight
or fight. She may either let others take the decision or may
fight by indulging in rebellious and destructive behavior.
Parents would do well for themselves as well as for their
children if they can shift focus to ways that will make the
child feel powerful and valuable. This will not only reduce the
fighting but will also create atmosphere conducive to build
positive relationships at home. Allowing the child to help in
household or other work or seeking her opinion on matters
concerning her will offer an opportunity to the child to feel
powerful.
Offer Choices
If you want
to control certain undesirable aspects of your child's behavior
then offer the child with a number of alternatives. Supposing
the child is hungry but is refusing to eat you can ask the child
to either have juice or milk and so on. When offering choices
ensure that they are acceptable and do allow enough room to the
child to feel powerful. They should also not represent
punishment as that will lead to creation of fear and
intimidation in the child.
Do The Unexpected
In
trying to control the headstrong or rebellious behavior of the
child sometimes you can make use of surprise element. When you
feel the situation is heading for a showdown do the unexpected
to re-establish the relationship with the child and work towards
a loving atmosphere at home. One such way is allowing the child
to indulge in her favorite activity.
Side Step
A
very valuable way of effectively and positively initiating a
happy and loving relationship is side-stepping. Side-stepping
means not picking up a challenge thrown up by the child. For
example, you ask your 2-year old to take her meal but she
replies with a " NO". Instead of using threats of
punishment or overpowering the child, the mother might offer a
variant by asking the child whether she would like to eat cereal
or she prefers soup.
Evolve Useful Ways For Your
Child To Feel Powerful
Find ways to make your
child feel powerful. For example your child is in the habit of
disturbing you while you are busy with your work, you can make
her in-charge of ensuring a peaceful and uninterrupted
atmosphere for that period.
Create
Win - Win Situations
Look for solutions that lead
to each one of you feeling having attained what they wanted.
This may come through negotiation- you relent some and the child
make necessary amendments to her demands.
Handling
"NOs"
Teach children to say NO, or
disagree, respectfully and appropriately. This teaches them to
say NO when faced with peer pressure and inappropriate
situations.
Ensure to create an environment of love and
peace in your family by exercising a little common sense and
wisdom as the children who are overpowered or who feel powerless
tend to be revengeful. They seek to be powerful by hurting
others or indulging in behavior which ultimately hurts them. The
inappropriate behaviors may include talking back or spilling
food or messing around with the things. As a teenager a child
may take revenge through drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy,
failure, running away and suicide.
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CONFIDENCE
BUILDING MEASURES
Raising
confident kids is a stupendous task for a parent. In fact few of
us ever realize that our little bundle of joy is a master of his
own domain rather he thinks himself to be as big and powerful as
we are. His supremacy is a casualty in the process of
development. The scrutiny of elders, the faultfinding and
evaluation by others shakes the foundation of his confidence. He
begins to question his power unless we show him the way to face
failures and allow him to make mistakes. Why does this happen?
It happens because all of us have very strong need to belong and
seek approval of others. The child learns to depend on outside
evaluation to assess his own performance, measure his
self-worth, and shape his future choices.
How many
of us realize this and better still how many of us really know
how to counteract it? Not many. Failure phobias kill the
creative and innovative abilities of children. It also leads to
their becoming under-achievers or perfectionists, that is,
either they will not choose for fear of failure or they will
choose in accordance with highest social standards. Both the
conditions are not healthy for the child. What is our duty as
apparent? The onus of preparing our children to learn from their
mistakes lies on us. They can turn their mistakes into
opportunities of learning if the parents pay a little heed to
their own conduct:
1. Never punish your children for
misbehavior by denying them doing something they are good at.
For example, your little one excels in painting but messes the
paint around while doing so. Now don't try to discipline the
child by admonishing her and not allowing her to paint for
sometime.
2. Show your children the path of progress and
success in mistakes. If your child is trying to put on the socks
do not intervene unless he is beleaguered by it. Appreciate the
effort and the extent of correct performance.
3. Do not
admonish yourself for the mistakes committed rather take
positive steps to start afresh and control the damage caused.
4.
Do not broach the past mistakes time and again.
5. Never
compare your children with others or one sibling with another.
6.
Teach the children that success is buried in failures.
7. Do
not ridicule anybody for mistakes.
8. Increase the Failure
Tolerance of your child by restraining your reactions to their
mistakes. Welcome what has been performed well rather than
criticize the child for failing.
9. Appreciate the power of
struggling for imparting strength and compassion. This makes the
children humane. They discover their abilities to overcome
failures.
10. Target the behavior ( undesirable) rather than
the child.
Developing a sense of right or wrong
is important for then they will not fall prey to peer pressures
which include substance abuse, promiscuity, deteriorating
academics, gang involvement, low self-esteem, lack of
creativity, irresponsibility, and other commonplace problems.
Those who aren't rewarded with the approval they seek, there's
frustration, anger, cynicism, apathy, depression, rebellion,
aggressive or violent behavior, and so on.
When we
allow them to make mistakes they are willing to take risks,
learn new skills and explore the unknown. The skills and
abilities they inevitably gain then leads to a strong sense of
independence.
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YOU
AND YOUR BABY
Deepika Jain
The first
time you hold your baby is shortly after he/she is born. Almost
all new parents handle their new-born as though they are
water-filled balloons ready to burst. The world is an exciting
and bewildering place both for you and your baby. Suddenly, the
old routine and decorum set by you needs to be altered to the
requirements of this member. The coming of a baby thus, can
cause certain amount of conflict. It requires conscious efforts
and adjustments from parents and other members of the family to
adapt and sensitize themselves to the needs (both physical and
emotional) of this new bundle of joy.
Both parents are
concerned about the role they have to play and become conscious
to strike a balance between their traditional and new roles. It
demands consideration and mutual understanding between mother
and father. New mothers especially feel that they are having
'bad time' when they have a gamut of pristine experiences. As
they travel through unknown territories of new joys and
anxieties, they undergo some personality changes too. Some may
feel resentful or repressed about being so 'tied down' to the
baby or about what seems to be a lack of consideration from
their husbands. A father may also undergo some difficult period
on his way to fit into the mould of being a father. However, the
relationship between parents and their baby is most crucial at
this moment. A child is constantly bombarded with varied stimuli
around him. According to experts, his/her way of making sense of
these new experiences is through his parents because they are
the only constant factor in his ever-changing world.
The
baby learns and develops skills, to a considerable degree, in
response to the stimulation and love provided by his parents.
The way you respond to him and make him aware that you are
constantly available for him builds confidence, trust and love
in him. As each child has a unique individual personality,
therefore, he should be dealt on an individual basis. What is
much more important is that you develop confidence in your own
abilities to deal with your child. Despite all the advice and
pressures, you are still the one who is responsible and the best
guide and friend to solve his day-to-day problems. And that's an
ability he will need to develop to learn to be flexible and
adapt to change. Talking is crucial to help your child cope with
the new experiences in his life. Even when your baby can't
understand the words you are saying, talking to him about what
is happening makes him attune to your presence, love and care
.The soothing tone of your voice will give him a positive
message. It will go along way for him to think that everything
is alright.
However, meet the needs with love, not
over-protection and create the right environment for each child
to grow and develop to his full potential. When a toddler begins
to talk, he/she starts much of his time imitating those around
him. His speech and vocabulary thus tends to reflect the verbal
skills of those around him. Researchers have found that the
toddler can understand what people think about things based on
their reaction to that thing. A child will define his/her own
reaction and judgment based on what he sees on his parent's
face, Therefore, sentences and messages directed to him should
be clearly stated. Also, parents should keep their approach
flexible by offering reasonable range of options and solutions,
so that a child can explore the world in a positive light.
Further, a smile or a nod will encourage him through struggles.
However, trying too hard to correct him/her may make the child
self-conscious and he/she will try to come up to the
expectations of its parents all the time. Hence, a child should
be encouraged to grow up by learning through exploration,
observation and imitation at his own pace.
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PARENTS
AS PARTNERS IN EDUCATION
Deepika Jain
Home is
the first 'school' of the child. It's where a child picks up
civic sense, basic mannerisms and etiquettes in the beginning.
The child's constant questions reflect her intense curiosity and
eagerness to learn. One of the most important tasks is to keep
this burning curiosity and this charmed sense of wonder, alive
in your child's mind. Even after the child starts going to the
school and is taught hundreds of new things, her learning is
truly successful if supplemented by parallel learning and
encouraging environment at home. An involved parent work in
close collaboration with the teacher by coordinating learning at
home with school assignments. You as a parent can help the
teacher to relate to the home environment and background of your
child in order to nurture a deeper understanding between them.
Also, with the help of a teacher monitoring her activities you
can encourage such things as art, music etc. in which she is
showing active interest in school. Parents should keep
constantly abreast with their child's development by regularly
corresponding to her teachers to keep a track of her problems,
overcoming any hurdles she might be facing, and having an access
to her educational and career goals and ambitions. Also, keeping
one aware of school procedures, rules and environment would help
you to relate to your child's activities in a better way.
Many
research studies have demonstrated that children whose parents
are actively involved in their schooling are more likely to
succeed both in school and later in their professions. Thus,
parents have an important role to play by providing such an
environment, which is conducive to firm foundation for a child's
emotional, social and academic development. There are certain
skills that matter most in raising kids with solid character,
strong minds and caring hearts and will benefit child of any
gender or background. These skills have been broadly divided
into three main heads as personality skills, emotional skills
and motivational skills, all of which contribute to the
wholesome growth of a child. However, the key issues to be kept
in mind are as follows:
Developing positive self-esteem by inculcating an optimistic
attitude and strong self- belief
Helping your child recognize and her strengths, compensating for
limitations and increasing overall potential
Communicating positively, listening attentively, speaking up to
reduce misunderstandings, sharing thoughts and feelings and
regular conversations with your child to enhance her knowledge
Encouraging self-reliance by solving problems on her own and
taking responsible decisions.
Developing strong and balanced inter-personal skills, to be more
cooperative and maintaining friendships and relations
Setting short-term and long-term goals, develop a plan to
achieve it and become self-motivated on the way to success
Encouraging exploration: allowing children to experiment, solve
problems and try new things
Understanding that each child is different and will develop and
grow in a different way
Praise her effort as she attempts new things, keeping incentives
to motivate her and suitably rewarding your child on her
achievements
Last but not the least is cultivating perseverance in your child
to make her bold and confident enough to face losses and
failures in life. A child should understand that personal effort
is sometimes critical to success and mistakes can happen.
Today
is the age of information, technology and completely new world
of vast possibilities and options for future. In such a dynamic
and competitive world, a child needs to be computer literate,
creative thinker and a strong individual with reading, writing,
math, problem solving and critical thinking skills. Children can
develop self-confidence within a bond they can trust and have
their emotional experiences mirrored with empathy. A
well-balanced child is equipped to handle both gains and losses
with equal ease and have the ability to relate to the world at
large with objectivity. Successful parenting, thus, is a matter
of having positive attitude and applying motivational principles
on a daily basis. Rightly said Zig Ziglar," The job of
parenting is to raise positive children in a negative world".
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Time
for an outing, Mama?
Deepika Jain
Outings
are one of the best ways of bringing new, stimulating,
mind-stretching experiences to the young child. A pre-schooler
is basically ignorant - he simply does not know much yet because
he has not lived long or has experienced enough. Outings are,
thus, a perfect means of learning for him. Outings for a young
child need not be spectacular. Visits to a local market, garden,
the post office, temple, neighbours' home and other everyday
locations are a treat for him/her. A good outing is one that has
a relaxed pace with time to talk and small stopovers. Your
per-schooler needs time to stop, grasp and associate the things
he/she is seeing for the first time. Sometimes, he/she may also
try to identify or relate them to things from past. They need
time to stand, touch and feel. It provides countless
opportunities to point out and ask questions about the
innumerable things your child is observing.
The great
outdoors can do wonders for your child. Warm winter sunshine
helps build vitamin D and charges your child with the energy to
skip, jump and run under open sky. There is nothing like a good
run. No rules, no boundaries or timings, just run in open air,
reaching to any direction on soft grass. This can be a good
exercise too and will give good amount of fresh air and oxygen
to your child away from the walls of your flat. Also, it will
make him/her sensitive to plant and animal life, observe
traffic, and learn direction and spatial skills. The toddler at
play is really at work, coping with his environment. He learns
that many things around him are immovable like trees, paths,
etc. While they love to experiment with generally unacceptable
behaviours like shouting, climbing, jumping etc., he/she also
learns that some things are taboo like hurting pets and hitting
other children and some things are painful like falling.
Three-year-olds
can be initiated into riding tricycles. The way a child uses a
tricycle says a lot about how his motor skills are developing
during pre-schooling age. In the beginning he may not even have
the hang of it and will start experimenting with pedals, brakes,
steering etc. and get excited with the noise of the horn -
'beep-beep'. But with time he/she may be completely at ease with
them and will sit contently on it. You can also notice his/her
social skills as how a child behaves when a person gets in the
way; he stops and waits or try to divert its tricycle. Also,
toddlers like to be near each other on their bikes and may
experimentally bump into each other with little, testing bumps
accompanied with some giggles and laughter.
Outings are
necessary to facilitate social development of a child by
providing opportunities to play with other children. To develop
appropriate social skills, he/she needs experiences with other
children. Many children get such experiences with brothers and
sisters, neighbours, or in day-care settings or a visit to a
play area or an outdoor playground where other children play.
For many young children, cooperative play also emerges around
this age. Social interactions with other children too, normally
emerge during early childhood. Between the ages of one and four
years, children become more and more interested in interacting,
watching and playing with other children.
While, it is
essential to let your child explore the world on his/her own,
you need to be there all the time to supervise from a distance.
While its nice to watch a child is collecting fallen leaves or
flowers, it calls for intervention once they start plucking buds
or flowers or attempt to climb a tree. Make sure that an outing
is pleasant and stimulate a child's mind to creativity and
function but not let him/her to throw tantrums or learn
unacceptable behaviour patterns!
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Cultivating
Social Skills
Deepika Jain
One of
the important aspect of a child's growth is her development into
a social human being - of being able to belong to the society
she lives in and interact with the people around her. This
development requires her to master certain social skills, and it
falls upon the parent to take him through to develop these
skills. As a child grows, his worldview expands. Social
interactions with other children normally emerge during early
childhood. Between the ages of one and four years, children
become more and more interested in interacting with other
children.
At about the ageof two and a half year, a
child begins to interact more with peers when adults are around
her or occasionally without adults. The technique to facilitate
her social development is to provide opportunities for her to
play with other children. When she plays with other children at
this age, solitary play declines and parallel play predominates.
To develop appropriate social skills, she needs interactions
with other children. During parallel play, she plays
independently with toys like those children around her are
using. She is likely to imitate other children, and add smiles
and laughter to her social interactions. Near the age of three,
she begins to enjoy dramatic play. She can stay in a structured
group situation for a short period. Many children get such
experiences with brothers and sisters, neighbours, or in
day-care settings. More formal arrangements, such as playgroups
or nursery schools, can also be considered. Voluntary sharing
also may emerge at this time.
Manners are important at
this stage because society judges her upbringing by her public
behaviour. And unless she is actually taught manners or is in a
social set-up where manners are observed, the child will never
know. She is no more a ' baby' and people around her expect much
more from her and hold herresponsible for her actions. She is
also required to be responsible at home, and parents may expect
her to confirm to the house decorum and standards. Though she is
not expected to keep a track of household happenings yet she is
expected to keep her toys in place. Manners are mere expressions
of our consideration for others as required by the society we
live in. While it may differ in different cultures, basic good
manners do not vary. People always feel good when you say
'please' or 'thank you' or show respect to an elder. Social
skills are best fostered at home and then transferred to
behaviour when in other groups.
The preschoolers grow
into social creatures that derive pleasure from being together.
The pleasure of being together may sometimes be so overwhelming
that they would always be seeking other children's company,
forgetting adults around them. Parents need to accept these
early childhood friendships and respect them - because the child
will view it as a reflection of how the parents view her. Close
friendships are now a familiar part of her life. To reject her
friends completely as bad company may undermine her confidence,
therefore you need to tread softly.
A philosopher once
stated that children force parents to become more mature.
Parents sense the responsibility they have in 'civilising the
animal' inside each child before she is ready to be pushed out
of the nest. Thus, it's a great reckoning to bring up socially
responsible children with adequate amount of love and care.
Sometimes, it is difficult but a child needs to be made aware of
the multiple roles she is expected to perform while in a social
scenario. They also need to feel the variety and range of human
emotions - love, fear, anger, and grief and learn where these
can be expressed appropriately.
However, you can guide
their social development through some key techniques:
Set realistic expectations according to the personality and
age.
Provide the child with opportunities to play with other
children.
Teach her sharing skills.
Important for her to say NO, as it allows her to have feelings
of control
Play is critical, imaginary friends are useful and normal
Socialization learned; learning what is socially appropriate
Gender identity
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Sibling
Rivalry
Deepika Jain
Conflict
or rivalry among sibling is not something peculiar to parents
and is a common occurrence. A first-born is almost always
unhappy with the arrival of a new child in the family. In a
classic case, this child will begin to look for ways to get the
parents to 'stop loving ' the newborn and to 'love them most of
all.' Later, he/she may even irritate and bother the younger
child and when the parents become aware of this, they may
reprimand and punish the older child. However, punishing
resentful older children simply makes them develop secret ways
and means in which to trouble, bother or irritate the younger
child in ways that may go unnoticed by their parents. Meanwhile,
the younger child interprets all this in a very different way.
For him/her, besides parents there is always the other someone
else who, without serious provocations, bothers, irritates and
tries to make life impossible for him.
Sibling rivalry
is not the older child's fault, nor that of the other children
in the family. It is not either of you parents fault either. The
root cause of sibling rivalry is based on timeless and universal
circumstances shared by all human families and there are a
varied number of reasons: limited time, attention and patience
to give, jealousy of the new baby or over possessiveness of
their parents. All this further leads to the seemingly constant
bickering and fighting between brothers and sisters.
Instead
of reacting to the fighting, parents can choose to be
pro-active. They can stay out of the fights in a non-judgemental
way. Children need to be able to settle things for themselves.
Parents can teach negotiation skills later during a calm period.
Acknowledging their anger or frustration is a better way of
keeping rivalry under check. Identify your child's feelings with
understanding words like ' you sound very angry because he /she
did not borrow your things'. You may be surprised at how quickly
the anger disappears when you let your children know that you're
aware of, and understand their frustration. By letting your
children know that you understand their anger, it helps them
feel better and even be occasionally nice to their brother or
sister. Discuss the consequences with them, while encouraging
them to play on their own as often as they want. Maintain
neutrality and don't make immediate assumptions. It may seem
easier not to tolerate fighting than to recognise the reasons
for it, but when you do get own to identifying the trigger, hear
out both sides of the story.
Bill Cosby once said, "You
aren't really a parent until you've had your second child."
Parent can only diffuse the intensity of these emotions through
proper handling. Experts recommend that even if your first child
is just a toddler and you are not really sure what he
understands, it is important to fill him in. Telling him about
it will ease the transition once a new baby actually arrives.
Also, cast aside all your doubts about them loving each other -
sibling disagreements are not always accurate indicators of how
much your kids actually care about each other.
There
are many other little things that seem too much for a kid, for
instance, outings, disagreement with a peer, having to share, or
having more responsibility. These are all changes that involve
giving up what the child sees as the habit of a lifetime because
psychologists assert that coping with these emotions helps a
child to become mature. Having more than one child can provide
opportunities for them to learn many things. They are learning
how to share, how to be a friend, how to love and get along with
others, and how to cooperate among themselves in relation to
their brothers and sisters. No doubt, there are many positive
aspects to family life with more than one child.
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Linguistic
development of a toddler
Deepika Jain
Speech
is one of the indications of the growth of your toddler. When
the toddler begins to talk, he cries less. When he learns to
express his anger in verbal terms, his temper tantrums decrease.
He will spend much of his time noticing and imitating others and
his speech and vocabulary will reflect the verbal skills of
those around her. The foundation of the holistic development of
a child is laid on four major areas:
Telling: Sentences
and instructions directed to him should be clear and unambiguous
so that it is easy for him to follow and grasp the meaning.
Also, too many instructions in a given situation may confuse
her. For instance, saying, " Stop playing now because it is
past your bedtime. I am going to change your clothes, put you in
bed and once you are in your bed, you should pray before you go
to sleep!" Whoop! Such an entwined set of instructions
would definitely leave your little princess with confusion and
disorder. Instead if you give such instructions in two sets; one
to change her clothes and the other one telling her to pray once
you put her in bed; would make it easy for her to follow.
However, it is important to find a balance between responding
too quickly and not quickly enough.
Listening: Listen
to your toddler when she speaks. A smile or a nod from you will
encourage her struggles. Stammering at three years is considered
a normal stage in speech development. Trying too hard to correct
the toddler's speech may make him self-conscious and frustrated.
They often talk too loudly. Sometimes, they go on a spree of
name-calling and experimenting with nonsensical singsongs. Just
keep smiling and nodding. However, if you feel that she is
confused with words and is fumbling to express herself, you need
to ask her to think first and then tell what she wants.
Reading:
Educationalists says that children who come from homes where
reading and books are valued are more likely to be academically
successful than those from homes without this interest. Story
time can be a rewarding time both for parents and child. A
toddler should be encouraged to listen and look at books written
with his age and concepts in mind. It develops new thoughts and
feelings in the participants. As a result, the child will be
introduced to hundred of new things from her environment and she
would ask questions which will further enrich her vocabulary.
Stories bring people, events, animals and the world around to
her close to her. Stop reading for a moment and give her time to
ask questions or explore different angels. Her never-ending
stream of questions might be annoying to you as she tries to
understand things and their mutual relationships. They would
often talk too much and ask "Why?" or "How?"
endless times.
Socialising: Intermingling
closely with one's social group is another major activity which
reinforces the development of language. As she mixes around with
her peers, her talking involves all parts of speech, gradually
longer sentences and a greater clarity. When you take her for an
outing, she would have the first-hand experience of hundreds of
new things which even you might have forgot to tell her.
Besides, mixing with the children of her won age-group would
give her a chance to exchange notes and vocabulary with those
who are also growing up with her. Children at this age often try
to flaunt what all they learn and get in front of their peers.
Observe her from a distance while she is boasting to her friend
about those new animals which she saw in a zoo with you. It is
not only very interesting but you would also get to know how
much she remembers and the way she is reproduces the things
being taught to her without making her conscious of the fact
that she is being judged.
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